Bereavement is a deeply personal experience and there is no right or wrong thing to do. The hospices' Light up a Life campaign is just one way of remembering those we have lost.
If you feel you want to find ways to keep the person’s memory alive during the holiday period, you could:
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Light a candle in their memory (but take care not to leave it unattended)
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Decorate the tree with something that reminds you of them
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Put up a photograph
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Visit the grave or a place you enjoyed together
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Listen to music that you enjoyed together
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Get everyone involved in your Christmas to contribute a memory and share it as part of your celebration
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If you have a faith, or if you just feel you want to, you could say a prayer to, or about, the person
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For children, Christmas still brings its usual excitement as well as grief; and these emotions fluctuate in peaks and troughs as children cannot sustain emotions the way adults do. You may find it hard, but if possible embrace the laughter and joy of any children around you
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If you feel guilty when making plans for holiday season, remember it’s important to give yourself permission to enjoy life again. You may need to put your own needs and any children’s needs first, rather than doing what others expect.
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For some people it’s important to maintain traditions that have always happened, for others, introducing new or different traditions may be important
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Remember time is a healer – as clichéd as it sounds, eventually, the time and energy spent grieving will slowly decline and it will gradually become possible to enjoy life again, laugh with people, feel genuine happiness and make positive plans for the future
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Some people find that one of the best ways to help come to terms with feelings of loss is to talk about them to other people. You may want to talk to a friend or family member, or someone who has been in a similar position. You may consider joining a bereavement support group at your local hospice.
There are a number of other avenues of support
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If you have been bereaved and would like to talk to someone, please contact the Day-by-Day Helpline offered by Cruse Bereavement Care on 0844 477 9400 or email helpline@cruse.org.uk
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Cruse also offer a young persons freephone helpline on 0808 808 1677 or email info@rd4u.org.uk
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Samaritans also offer a 24-hour helpline on 08457 909090
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For information about other organisations you may find useful please see our help page.
The advice offered above has been put together by Deborah Hunt Head of Family Support at St Clare Hospice, Essex; Nikki Archer, Head of Bereavement Services, St Giles Hospice, Lichfield and Jean Hindmarch, Help the Hospices
